


Being Kageyuki Shiraishi

by ChromaticTritone



Category: Collar x Malice (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Drama, Angst and Feels, Drama, Feels, Heavy Angst, Psychological Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29610333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromaticTritone/pseuds/ChromaticTritone
Summary: The concept of “being” someone is still new to Kageyuki Shiraishi. So, he decides to explore his feelings on the matter.
Kudos: 2





	Being Kageyuki Shiraishi

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write a fic for my best boy. Enjoy!

Kageyuki Shiraishi is sitting, contemplating.

Every once in a while, he remembers the truth—that Kageyuki Shiraishi was an identity created by Zero for a very specific purpose. That this identity is not one created by him, but one forced upon him by someone else. And this revelation always makes him feel existential.

Who is he, when the mask is removed? When everything else is stripped away, who will he become?

He thinks back to his time under Zero, where he was nothing more than a number. Back then, he believed he would never have a name of his own, never have an identity. How things change.

He wonders if his child self could have foreseen where he is now. He imagines not.

Now, he has his own name, and ever a few treasured items that showcase his identity—his precious cat ear hairclips and his beloved cat tie clip. He never leaves the house without those, which is something he couldn’t have imagined during his time under Zero.

But even with having things he likes, he’s still so unsure about himself. What does it mean to “be” Kageyuki Shiraishi? Even after all this time, he’s unsure as to who this person is. He knows that Kageyuki Shiraishi loves cats. Their looks, their free nature, their lack of responsibility—all of it draws him to the animals. And, of course, Kageyuki Shiraishi loves Ichika Hoshino like no one else in the world. But is one lover and one thing to love enough to base an identity around? He doesn’t know, and that bothers him.

He closes his eyes, thinking. In that moment, everything goes black around him. It reminds him of the darkest nights under Zero, when all he could remember was his purpose—to ensure Zero’s plans were brought to fruition. That one purpose made up his entire being, and there was no room for anything else. 

But now…things are different. He has begun to shape himself, and understand, at least a little, that he can have an “identity”. And yet, he’s unable to figure out what that identity is.

He looks down at his hand, and spreads out his fingers. “Even after all this time…I still can’t figure out who I am,” he says, laughing bitterly.

With that, he stands up, & prepares to leave.


End file.
